Video games post difficult decisions

First I think I need more dogs.

Needs more dog

As I mentioned in last weeks post I recently started playing the video game, Life is Strange. It has recently been taking a large chunk of my time not just for game play, but it has made me think a lot about my moral ground, specifically to do with death.

I also found out today that my neighbor who I have known all my life, passed away yesterday.

He was one of the kindest men I have ever known. My memories of him are vague but very warm. I remember when I lost my rabbit and he found it over his fence in the neighbors yard. He lifted me on his shoulder so I could see over the fence. His cost for finding my rabbit was a kiss on the cheek, I gave that without hesitation.

I also remember the conversation I had with him before I moved. He was dying, but smiling. He happily talked to me about what exactly he was diagnosed with and how grateful he was to all of the nurses who looked after him. He also told me how proud my grandmother would have been and that he himself had no doubts that I would be an amazing nurse.

Nursing?

The question of euthanasia is one that is often angled to nurses as nursing is the profession that is always seen to actively care for people. 'Actively' being the key part here, I have found that often the acts of kindness that mean the most to patients are the ones that are fairly immediate and those are the ones that people see nursing making. The other point is that people feel that nurses understand better, maybe this is because of the horrible things that nurses go through just to have that moment where you feel like you are genuinely helping someone. 

I used to believe in euthanasia. My viewpoint has changed quite a lot over the past few years. I had the belief that people should be able to live and die on their own terms and while I wish for this to be true, I just can't see it as an option anymore. I look at the people I see now and the ones who truly feel that they need it are the ones who can't do or think for themselves. Then again, how can you assess ones need to die?

Perhaps the saving grace that I can always fall back to when this conversation starts is the fact that should I assist people in this way, I would lose my job. 

As for my neighbor who died yesterday, he had in some way made peace with what was happening and stated that "I will live till my dying day" and that is exactly what he did. I feel I have no say in taking that ability away from anyone, even if they want me to. 

Video Games?

This brings me back to Life is Strange. Life is Strange has given decisions that require a lot of thought, while most of them have made minor differences so far, some of them have such an emotional weighting to them that it is very difficult to make the decision. Just like real life!! 

So why has this game had such an impact on me? I will tell you of one decision you are forced to make.

In this scene, you have met your best friend who was involved in a car accident and at the age of 18 and is now paralyzed from the neck down. She tells you straight that wants to be able to make one decision for herself and that she wants her last memory to be her enjoying the day with her best friend. She instructs you how to increase her morphine drip. Do you? I did not.

It took me 15 minutes to make this choice. I then had to follow this choice with a 2 hour long nap and a lot of hugs from my boyfriend.

Perhaps this hit home so much because of my job and while no one has asked me to kill them in this way I have had many people tell me that they just want to die. Maybe also it is because I have seen people in this situation before and Life is Strange completely nailed the layout of the room and it's equipment that it reminded me of what care I had to give for those patients.

This in-game decision terrified me so much that at the time I made it I did end up falling back on the "I would lose my job" argument. In a way I also felt that if I said yes in-game that I would be tempted to say yes in real life someday.

Interestingly enough, the game shows world stats for who chose what option. 56% Killed her, 44% did not.

Art?

I drew this little thing today, haven't drawn a character in profile for a while, it took me a bit of a think before I could come up with something.

Lets face it, scarfs are fucking awesome.

I also invested in some more acrylic paints!! Gonna fiddle with them when I am not working I think~

Bringing the mood up, here is a picture of my boyfriend keeping it fresh

What song have you got stuck in your head?

Till next time~

Havra

Entries 3,4 and 5. It's totally legit.

Alright, get this. I had adventures.

From these I have learnt a few lessons that I would like to share with you.

So on the 3rd Blaugust night I sat down to begin my post knowing that my boyfriend would arrive for a weeks visit at some point that evening. As it turned out though, my boyfriend had not planned his fuel very well and got himself stuck in the small country town of Robe late enough at night that nothing was open.

Lesson 1: After 9pm country SA closes for the night.

Naturally the best course of action was to go save him.
I pulled into the petrol station to go see if I could purchase a can of some sort so that he could drive his car the rest of the way. As I pulled in however, in the darkness I was unable to see that there was a curb where I was heading and this lead me to burst one of my car tires.

Luckily though, I had a spare.

Lesson 2:  Make sure you have a spare tire.

I have only changed one car tire in my life, it was under supervision when my parents told me that should I be living in the country I need to learn how to change a tire

Lesson 3: Listen to your parents (sometimes)

As I was getting the spare tire and jack out of my car friend of mine from work pulled in, she asked me what I was doing. Upon explaining the situation she said that while she can't help she would call her boyfriend who can.

Lesson 4: Good networking gets you places

I continued to change the tire, began raising my car when a car pulled up at the station, a man got out and asked me if I needed help. I told him what I did and we both laughed at how stupid I was, at this point my friend's boyfriend arrived and the other man left.

Lesson 5: Being nice to people brings joy

With the car tire fixed I went and bought a 10L petrol can, filled it with petrol and set off to go save my stranded man.

I arrived an hour later, took the can out of the boot, sat it next to his car when we realized that the can didn't come with a funnel. It looked kinda like this:

Fuckkkkk

A few minutes later with a frantic phone call to his parents for ideas, I was taking rusty screwdriver to an old water bottle that had left in my car, to use as a funnel to get the petrol into his car.

Gotta keep it until I buy a funnel

We managed to get safely back to my house, with another 20 minute detour because as we also learnt...

Lesson 6: Road signs in the country take you on the scenic route

All went well in the end and I am thankful that my boyfriend is safe. I will admit my heart sank when I saw 7 missed calls and I originally thought my boyfriend was dying in horrible car crash using his last ounce of strength to call me to give me a tragic parting goodbye message.**Disclaimer: This is not something my boyfriend would do.   

I got to bed in the end at about 2am then woke up for a 7am start at work. I was surprised I was able to function at work the next day but I guess a part of me had accepted that I did what I needed to and that I felt I made the right choice.

Lesson 7: You don't have to be good to get the job done.


And finally:

What song have you got stuck in your head?

Till next time~

Havra

Crazy new chapter

I hope you all lovely readers had an amazing Christmas this year!

My favorite Christmas gift has to be a nursing graduate year opportunity that I leapt at. I am so excited!!

Like, this excited. 

So on the 21st day of Christmas I got a call from a dear friend of mine who went to sign some paperwork in the country hospital she has a graduate job at and she was told to tell her friends that there were some positions available around the area. I contacted them that day and was given a number to call of an aged care facility the next town. I called them the very next day and thanks to my wonderful family I drove down there on the 23rd for an interview... of sorts. They seemed pretty keen to have me, that might have also been due to fact that the program starts at the beginning of February. I left that day with a uniform to take home so I feel that was the best interviews I have ever been to.

Long story short, in 2 days I went from depressed and unsure of what I was going to do. To having 1 month to move 5 hours away from home for a graduate job. Eek!! Feeling the stress at the moment that is for sure. Both excited and terrified.

Ahhhhh. Like that. 

So this will be my first time moving out and I need to find a place to live, get a car loan to buy a car, buy a fridge, you know, all of these adult things that I didn't really expect to be doing so soon!

The program is mainly based in aged care, something that has a little bit of a social stigma around it. Many nurses I have encountered refer to it as the "nurses graveyard where your clinical skills go to die". This doesn't really seem to be the case though, sure the RN's in a nursing home look like they give out medications and do paperwork but that paperwork is what is bringing the money into the home.

I feel this might be linked to the issue in health care that everyone working there has to have a 'rank'. You know, doctors over nurses, nurses over carers sort of thing. It is a little bit of bullshit though, everyone is working together for the same goal, to improve the patients health. They have different roles and having one without the other means that the job is not going to get done. Might as well be playing surgeon simulator if you wanna pull that rank shit.

No Doctor, you are doing a great job.

So this is a crazy new chapter in my life, I am really looking forward to time alone doing what I want and living under my own terms. Naturally though, I have my doubts. All I can do is have faith in my own abilities to survive and it will all work out, right?

I feel I might be updating this blog some more as I progress through this year! Not only because I have plans for my art with all the alone time I will be getting, but because writing it here helps me put sense to how I feel about it all. It also makes me happy to feel like I am sending my small message in a bottle of my feelings and that on occasion, people are reading it.

Wish me luck guys!

Havra