Another year, another Blaugust...

Oh, hello, I didn't see you there.

It sure has been a while since the last time I posted so let start things off with a picture of a happy dog

 Dawwww

I have decided that the best way to approach this years Blaugust is to create a quick formula with subjects that I will try to discuss everyday. Here are some headings to go by:

Nursing?

What video games are you playing?

Art? 

Watching anything? 

What song have you got stuck in your head?

Firstly, looking back on last years entries it has made me feel a bit better as it has made me realize how much I have actually achieved. There is a large part of me though that feels like I am still not doing enough with everything I want to get done, perhaps I am just too inpatient. 

Nursing?  

Nursing has become a lot more stressful than I prepared for. I knew that it wasn't going to be an easy feat but as it turns out, being an adult really really sucks. A true skill that I feel I have learnt from this experience is to be able to smile and enjoy talking to people about the simple, mundane little things while knowing full well what the grim reality of the situation is. Keeping up those conversations everyday is what makes me tired. 

There have been many nights where I have cried myself to sleep because of the cruelty that life brings to people. When you see genuinely nice and loving people suffer for no other reason than fate. While a lot of people have told me that they follow this career path because it gives them a sense of control, I will admit that I feel the exact opposite, everything I do merely fits into place, While it is comforting, and necessary, to have someone care for you, it doesn't mean that those actions will effect the control that one has over bad situations. Again, maybe I am too impatient. 

My work in aged care continues to remind me how scared I am of death, when those I care about leaving me. This may not be helping with my struggle. I can say though that it has gotten easier. Traditionally I have found that when someone dies around me I cry and the closer they are to me, the more I cry. Fairly recently there was someone who left us that I didn't cry for, and I loved them. During my first few shifts as a RN they were supportive and understanding to the difficulties that I was facing, and reminded me that no matter how much I stress, I am still able to show people that I care. Perhaps I didn't cry because for how peacefully they left and how it seemed that everyone had had a chance to be able to say goodbye. Maybe it was because that unlike others that I have seen die they weren't afraid.

Overall though, I am still employed. I can't be doing as badly as I sometimes feel I am.

What video games are you playing?

I invested in a WiiU last week! I now have Splatoon and Yoshi's woolly world for that console.

Splatoon is a pretty fun game, it has been really satisfying to be able to play online with my friends. I have only slight regret for one playing-till-3am session, only because I was unable to rest that well enough for work the days following. Got to level 20 and I have just started to branch out into playing with other weapons. Or at least, learning a bit more on how to approach other players to murder without getting murdered myself.

Yoshi's wolly world I actually played on my boyfriends console while I was on holiday at his house, it was pretty fun. It has a similar difficulty to Yoshi's Island, and that is a good thing. I learnt from this experience that my boyfriend, god bless his cotton socks, is one hell of a back seat gamer. I would be jumpin, you know, being a Yoshi and that when he tells me that I have missed something. Trust him to be a completionist..,

I have also been playing a lot of Dota 2. It has turned into one of those social things that I can do now that I live far from the civilization that I once knew. A group of us gather on mumble, stack as a 5, feed, play badly but above all, have fun. I recently noticed that while I have opened up to some of these wonderful nerds, I haven't met some of them in real life. I might have to actually do that at some point. 

Art? 

Developments in art have been fantastic! I put some of my art on an art table at AVCon this year. I made more money than the cost of the table so I call that a success! I will try and post some more art this blaugust! My art page (www.facebook.com/havrac) has a few more likes and I might have some commissions coming up, how amazing is that?!

Watching anything? 

At the moment I have been following Awesome Games Done Quick (www.twitch.tv/gamesdonequick), it finishes tomorrow but it has been amazing to watch when I have not been at work. I donated at one point as well and it got read out, internet famous.

What song have you got stuck in your head? 

Till next time~

Havra

Crazy new chapter

I hope you all lovely readers had an amazing Christmas this year!

My favorite Christmas gift has to be a nursing graduate year opportunity that I leapt at. I am so excited!!

Like, this excited. 

So on the 21st day of Christmas I got a call from a dear friend of mine who went to sign some paperwork in the country hospital she has a graduate job at and she was told to tell her friends that there were some positions available around the area. I contacted them that day and was given a number to call of an aged care facility the next town. I called them the very next day and thanks to my wonderful family I drove down there on the 23rd for an interview... of sorts. They seemed pretty keen to have me, that might have also been due to fact that the program starts at the beginning of February. I left that day with a uniform to take home so I feel that was the best interviews I have ever been to.

Long story short, in 2 days I went from depressed and unsure of what I was going to do. To having 1 month to move 5 hours away from home for a graduate job. Eek!! Feeling the stress at the moment that is for sure. Both excited and terrified.

Ahhhhh. Like that. 

So this will be my first time moving out and I need to find a place to live, get a car loan to buy a car, buy a fridge, you know, all of these adult things that I didn't really expect to be doing so soon!

The program is mainly based in aged care, something that has a little bit of a social stigma around it. Many nurses I have encountered refer to it as the "nurses graveyard where your clinical skills go to die". This doesn't really seem to be the case though, sure the RN's in a nursing home look like they give out medications and do paperwork but that paperwork is what is bringing the money into the home.

I feel this might be linked to the issue in health care that everyone working there has to have a 'rank'. You know, doctors over nurses, nurses over carers sort of thing. It is a little bit of bullshit though, everyone is working together for the same goal, to improve the patients health. They have different roles and having one without the other means that the job is not going to get done. Might as well be playing surgeon simulator if you wanna pull that rank shit.

No Doctor, you are doing a great job.

So this is a crazy new chapter in my life, I am really looking forward to time alone doing what I want and living under my own terms. Naturally though, I have my doubts. All I can do is have faith in my own abilities to survive and it will all work out, right?

I feel I might be updating this blog some more as I progress through this year! Not only because I have plans for my art with all the alone time I will be getting, but because writing it here helps me put sense to how I feel about it all. It also makes me happy to feel like I am sending my small message in a bottle of my feelings and that on occasion, people are reading it.

Wish me luck guys!

Havra

Is it really the end...?

It is the end of August! Thus, the end of Blagust. So what now?

I am intending to continue ramblings on here outside of this wonderful event but for now I will quickly recap on how this month has been for me.

It has been a strangely stressful and rewarding month for me, milestones include: My last Student nurse placement, continuing my art work and enjoying it, learning more about speed running and developing video games and my mother retiring.

I haven't been posting here as much as I would have liked but I was usually either doing these wonderful things or resting to make sure I was well enough to continue. I am one week away from completing my placement and 9 weeks away from completing my degree. Eeep! I find out next month if I get a graduate year and if I do I assure you I will be writing a lot about it. I have learnt so much during my placement in the Cath Lab and it is certainly an area I would love to work in one day. I realize though that it is a specialized area that I won't be able to get into without going through a bit more training first. As the nurses have told me though, if I am dedicated enough and work towards it that is the best chance I will have of getting it. I am going to have difficulties in my first year as an RN as I haven't been placed on a ward. You would think this could be my fault for asking for placement options that are specialized but in all honesty I didn't get much a choice until my final placement. Aside from the University never giving me a ward placement I am sure that should I get a graduate year I will be placed on one. Not exactly the place I want to work or the place I see myself working forever but it is necessary experience.

My Art has been taking off again this month and while at the moment I haven't been drawing too much I have found myself drawing quicker and more accurately so that is always a good thing. I have mainly been doing sketches here and there and when I have inked them at least I shall scan them to show to the world :D I look forward to having a bit more time to sit and draw after placement is finished.

Games are fun and this month I have been not only doing silly speed running antics, as I have blogged about but I have also been attempting to learn a little programming. Still early days and any in depth conversation with programmers at the moment is only half understood by me but the ball has started rolling so lets see where it takes me. It would be really interesting to see if I can do some more pixel art and try and make a simple game. That's the goal in mind at the moment at least. Mix the art and stuffs ya know?

Family is doing well at the moment. My mother has just retired from her job and is now going to finally have some more of the "me time" that she deserves. This is going to cause issues for me as lifestyle changes will be enforced by my mother and while I understand her reasons I hated being given a bed time and a wake up time only seems worse. We shall see how that goes, I am sure I will find some balance in it all.

I really enjoyed reading my friends blogs and seeing what they were doing while I was too busy to attend things like EVAC because of placement. It was reassuring in a way as I was able to see how things were still happening around me and it didn't make me worry as much. I will have more time soon though so MOAR GAMES. MOAR EVAC. MOAR MAH JONG!!

Watch this space for more wonderful tales~

Havra

Why Lara doesn't like me - Starting the run, breaking the game

A few months ago I was watching my good friend practicing his speedrun for LaMulana when I said to myself: "Yeah, I wanna speedrun a game".

Lord knows why, half of the time I was watching it was him swearing or saying how shit bats were. It was decided though, so I had to decide a game to start with. My friend suggested a short game that I was familiar with. I wanted a childhood game of mine, one that I would take pleasure in breaking.

The first game that stuck to mind was Tomb Raider. While this is not a short game it is easily segmented and that was probably more what I was after. Tomb Raider was a series that I got into as a child that helped me realize how great boobs are. More so though, it was a game that even as a child I could break.

It also helped that there is a ton of information about how to speedrun Tomb Raider games here: http://www.tombrunner.net/. Do check it out.

So here we are, Tomb Raider III. While Tomb Raider II had more childhood trauma for me I found that TRIII was a little easier to break in ways.

The old man that follows you around everywhere in this one farts. Constantly.

I took some screenshots of my efforts today as I practiced a few things. There were 2 things I used to do a lot when I was younger and I am going to show you here. 

My First Glitch

It isn't complex, it isn't that wonderful, but when I was a child it was the most amazing thing I could ever do. I found a way to get to the top of Lara's mansion. This technique is used throughout early Tomb Raider speedruns. 

Note, how easy it is to put Lara into objects. 

As Lara jumps up and down she drifts slightly. Using this, you can place her in walls. 

And when the game doesn't know where she is. 

She gets spawned on top of whatever you stuck her in. In this case, she is now on top of her house. 

Look. Lara. Everything the draw distance touches, is our kingdom...

This led to more fun with me finding the strange textures and the magic floating platform. 

Looks like there's nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!

Old Man Antics

What probably made me like TRIII more than TRII was the old man antics and the addition of a quad bike. The old man antics was something I was sure to do every time I played this tutorial level. 

You get access to guns at the end of the assault course. 

Not sure what Lara is shooting but she sure is keen

In this the poor old man becomes a target. Just so you remember how much of a bitch Lara is.

Of course, you shoot him. 

He only groans a little when he gets up. It's not like he may have arthritis...

It's okay though. It's all for queen and country!! 

Now here is the cruel bit that I couldn't stop laughing at. This is for if the farts get too much.

In the kitchen there is... the Freezer. 

Get yourself all ready....

Hello gorgeous!

Kbye

Aaaaaaaaand you shut the door. 

Thus, preventing him from following you. You do still however, hear his farts from the rooms surrounding. 

Now, back to the going fast. Over the months I looked up a few ways that people went through the levels, practiced the techniques and finally today was the day I gave it a go. 

The First Level

The current best time for the first level is 38 seconds. You will find it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgcioHGIBXU

This is the route I decided to go for. 

Different techniques and a slightly different route have had a lot of runners complete the first level in just over 1 minute. 

First attempt at me doing this, did not end well. 

No matter! I will just have to jump a little differently. 

Finally I got to the first area where I could do something silly. You jump through the edge of the wall and can get yourself on top of it. 

I got stuck. While there is "quicksand" I wasn't sinking but in this case, I had wedged myself in something and couldn't get out. 

It doesn't even look like I am stuck...

No matter!

Close but not quite on that. 

Again not quite. It was a good try Lara.

Aha! Success! Now to jump over to the other side. 

Easy so far. Now here comes the bit that I spent hours... to try and get. Grabbing into the block so that when you pull yourself up, you hit the trigger for the level exit. 

If you can see it, Lara's shadow is in the block.

And this is what happened: 

Yaay out of bounds! 

Lets try again. 

Hooray! I did it! But...

Something didn't seem right and the start of the next level.... Is this Ninja Croft?

No Matter! I will load again. 

Okay then... I didn't wanna see Lara's face anyway. Load again...

Okay I didn't want to see the level either. Bah. 

As it turns out, one way of hitting the level exit means you skip the cut scene after it. Useful? No. Every time this happens you will load a level or a save that is either missing the art for Lara, or the art for the level. 

Restarting and having another go, I completed it. 

Yaaaay! Go me with breaking the game. Does this make me a speedrunner? 

Laughter? The best Medicine?

We've all heard it, the whole "laughter is the best medicine" thing.

Wrong.

Laughter hurts.

I hurt myself today because I was laughing too hard. 30 minutes of constant giggles. At what? you may be asking. I remembered that this existed:

Summing up your first sexual experience in GIFs:

Thank you Reddit.

Okay so some degree I do believe in the laughter thing. It certainly makes the day go by quicker and the patients a little more cheery but do not forget. There is always a time and a place. I know you want to make a pun that I, as a student nurse giving IV medications for the first time was going to give it my best shot (Kill me).
One of the first rules I have learnt: You can state that you are a student but never tell a patient it is your first time doing something. It ruins the faith and makes your job a lot harder. If you screw up then sure, tell them then and run away fast.

Laughing is an important thing to do though. Makes your forget about things that might not be going well for you or just the world in general. I certainly had fun looking through these images after a hard days work even if I injured myself doing so.

Uploading these I found some strange pictures in my images folder that I should really be careful of

I am not even sorry.